Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing...

When I was in college, I had this perfect vision of what it was going to be like to be a teacher. Now that I'm in my fourth year of teaching, sometimes I wonder what I was thinking to get into this profession in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love working with kids. I love the actual teaching part of my job. To be honest, I can't see myself doing a job where I am not trying to help kids. I try really hard not to complain about my job. With that being said, this year year has been extremely challenging. After having so many health issues this year, work has been almost more than I can take. Every morning when I get up for work, I feel this aching in the pit of my stomach. I dread going to work everyday. I drop Ruby off at her sitter's house and drive away wishing I could spend my days with her. 


Aside from all of the state mandated testing, the paperwork, the long hours, and the huge class sizes, I have a really tough group of fourth graders this year. They talk back to me constantly, roll their eyes at me, curse at me, and don't care at all about learning. These things all happen on a daily basis... usually several times a day. I call parents, give detentions, suspensions, office referrals, they miss recess etc. Nothing ever changes. When I was a fourth grader, I would never dream of doing those things or saying those things to my teacher. My parents taught me to have respect for adults. My parents instilled in me early on how valuable education is. Sometimes I get really scared for the future of this country... and I get even more scared for the things Ruby will hear and see when she is in school. 


I'm stuck in a place where I want to do something different, but I don't know if I could leave teaching behind forever. It really think it could be a job that I love. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I need to try another grade. Maybe I should take a giant leap of faith, buy a nice camera, and sign up for a photography class. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I guess something will eventually have to give...